hakuna matata

still can’t believe those fucking cashews.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 00:46:28 +0000

okay, so i’m sure you guys know what a compliment sandwich is. well today we are going to do a good/funny news/thing sandwich. a much more versatile sandwich. hold onto your butts.

good news: i got the best/ugliest pajamas in the world today for $9.49. they’re the softest bright blue fleece and they have green scotty dogs on them that i keep re-mistaking for frogs. who makes a scotty dog green? someone i would like to meet.

terrible news: on sunday, jayda got out of our yard, got hit by a car and died. i can barely believe it. i find it so hard to grasp that i will never see her again. it definitely doesn’t even seem real. i miss her so much and i am not ever going to miss her any less. every time i come home and she isn’t there to spastically greet me i feel like crying. i keep momentarily forgetting that she’s gone and wondering where she is. i have to stop myself from calling out for her. every little jingle i hear sounds like her dog tags, and i keep expecting to see her in her usual spots. it’s breaking my heart. i’m going to survive, obviously. i feel like i am coping at least adequately. no amount of being sad, no amount of anything, is going to bring her back, so i try and just ignore it. and it works pretty well and i feel okay, but every so often it doesn’t work and i am just so fucking sad. so it goes.

funny thing: i don’t know about everybody else, but i always have an internal monologue running. i talk to myself all day, every day. most of the time it’s really funny because it’s just funny, but sometimes it’s funny because it doesn’t make a bit of sense. and what i mean by that is that sometimes, when i’m having a mental conversation with myself, i will very quickly, very naturally blurt out something that surprises me in it’s absurdity, and it’s as though it wasn’t me who thought it. the one that made me think to write this occurred in the shower this morning, when i was thinking about how i didn’t want to bother getting ready for the gym. i thought, “god, you know you don’t always have to try and look your best. it’s the stupid gym, not the macy’s day parade!”.

“what, you freak, where could that have even possibly come from?”.

like right now we know you’re thinking about credit unions.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Sun, 13 Feb 2011 01:25:03 +0000

best friends are great simply because you get to say things like “remember when i was really into buying ‘wacky’ socks?”. and even if they don’t remember, you still get the opportunity to say it. and i’m extra lucky because mine always does!

reinventing the vacuum cleaner has been a passion of mine for the last 17 years.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 12:38:59 +0000

“yeah i already broke like 3 so i figured fucking fuck it, do it when i’m not drunk”

- kyle after i asked why some of the bulbs weren’t working on this cool new light fixture he just put in his closet.

then after he was asking for something and i said “well you’re pretty drunk so why don’t you just go to bed”. he sort of did like a goofy falling face and he hung his head and walked away. then mumbled something about me being disowned and i said “what?” and he said “nothing! yada yada yada!”

and just now he came in and said “looook what i foooound” and waved a bottle of baileys around. then he tried to get me to have some and said ”oooh it’s soooo tasty” like i’ve never had it before. i told him i had work to do so he started making funny pssst noises trying to get jayda out of my room. then it took him like 2 solid minutes to get my door closed.

shortly before all this he was trying to get rid of his hiccups so i told him to hold his breath and he was doing it in such a way that made me laugh the whole way through.

what a brother.

i’m just doing karate and trying to get females pregnant.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 15:53:07 +0000

my plan for the day (i haven’t gone to bed yet and it’s 7:53 am):

try and finish my assignment and run down the street to the mailbox before 9am pickup.
ultimately fail
get really upset with myself
remind myself that i didn’t get it done and i can’t change that, so i can choose to be sad about it or be happy regardless
after lots of positive self-talk and possible cyclical backtrack, be happy regardless
shower and get ready and do things that don’t matter until it’s time to leave
meet jonathan at ubc
buy textbook
go to the pit pub and drink as much as i possibly can between 12pm opening and jonathans 2pm class
attempt to find my way home
pass out in a pile of my own sleepy puke

gonna be a good day, guys. go team!

crystal meth and schnapps have turned his brain into a sponge!

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 10:51:08 +0000

“um, excuse me, yes we ARE carrying these fake flowers all over australia because i will make them into fun hair accessories one day or another and even if i never do they weigh NOTHING so SHUT UP”

- what i said to my then boyfriend for roughly the last month of our trip to australia. like, every time we had to pack up we had to do that little dance. well guess what asshole, jokes on you because today was that day and i look beautiful so you can suck it!

“i miss third rock from the son you guys. i miss it and it’s never coming back.”

- found this little gem in my drafts, presented in it’s entirety. 95% sure i was drunk. which means there is a 5% chance i wasn’t!

if you have a brain in your head, call this 1-800 number.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Wed, 29 Dec 2010 23:36:27 +0000

“i like living. i have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all, i still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”

- agatha christie

see, there you go. agatha christie agrees with me, so fuuuu-uuuuu-uuuuuck yoooooooou!

it’s not surprising when you realize how huge the sport of roboteering has become.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Sun, 26 Dec 2010 11:18:37 +0000

my cousin and his wife just had a baby last week. this is the conversation that took place after a phonecall from him:

memaw: so the baby is doing well but has a bit of jaundice.

me: yeah but that’s pretty common, right?

memaw: basically.

me: did i have jaundice?

memaw: no, you were perfect!

me: what do you mean was perfect?

memaw: you were born perfect. you are a perfect 23 year old. last year, you were a perfect 22 year old.

and then i was all like “true, true” because like, how true. and then i literally saved christmas while my brother was being an asshole of epic proportions. also i won all of the boardgames. all of them. sorry, just over here being perfect. thought you knew.

this is the stuff lunchroom boners are made of!

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 19:46:40 +0000

so yesterday was my birthday and i decided to celebrate with a little birthday shower. i know, exciting, right? but settle down, there’s more to tell. (i also celebrated with a trip to the drivers licensing office, so, yeah, i do it big.) anyways, i was showering away and hark! there came a knock on the door. i immediately decided to ignore it because man, i really hate being interrupted in the bathroom. it is never, ever anything that can’t wait until i’m done. when the knock came again, i turned the shower off, stuck my head out and whined “whaaaaat?”. and, wouldn’t you know it, memaw’s sweet little voice cried out “it’s 2:05!! you were born now! happy birthday!!”. i said whatever it was i said, and when i turned the shower back on i had a big goofy smile that took awhile to fade from my face.

and i don’t really know how to put into words what the point of this is and what it means to me. this moment just made me feel a lot of things, for some reason. i guess the number one bottom line is man, i love my mom so much it kills me. forever and ever amen. also though, it was just a really really good way to start the next year of my life. feeling so good like that. it was just a moment of genuine happiness. and i guess i just realized how much i am looking forward to making every moment as good as i possibly can. i feel like i am getting really good at that and i can’t wait to keep it up. the next year will have so many smiles that my poor, feeble brain can’t even comprehend it. it’s like infinity!

like, i’m just so excited about life, guys. i’m just so happy i get to keep on living and doing the things i love to do and seriously, even the things i don’t love to do. i get to just keep doing everything. i get to keep doing things (all of the things!), and i am so fucking pleased. and i’m not even on drugs.

peace and blessings, y’all.

p.s. something else i feel can be taken as a sign of what’s to come: my aunt usually puts a little something cosmetic-y in my birthday card, and this year it was nailpolish. it’s a gold tone and the colour number is 420. you do the math, suckers.

jeans are made from a highly rugged cotton called denim.

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 07:54:25 +0000

here are some things:

one of the autistic kids jonathan gives therapy to told him that he sings the trololo song to wake up his brother in the mornings. like, just, ugh. i can’t even comprehend how cute this kid is sometimes.
today i realized i would probably cry if i met beyonce and this makes me feel very uncomfortable.
so good.
didn’t have enough arm space to carry all my things downstairs so i used my cleavage as transport for my muffin. it worked so well! 9 nipples out of 10!
today i learned that water as hot as you can stand isn’t, like, all that good for your face. ~*~*~the more u no*~*
today i remembered that freddie prinze jr. exists and i am quite pleased with that.
went to get a rice pudding cup, stood in the doorway and gazed forlornly at my destination (down the hallway a little bit, into the downstairs kitchen). turned back to my room because the hallway light is burnt out and the kitchen light wasn’t on and i was too scared. welcome to the winners circle.

i dropped out of school so i could be on bang bus!

OWNER_OF_DA_BLOG — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 09:50:11 +0000

The Mona Lisa

just found this and laughed about how it related to my last post. then i remembered how tor referenced garfield once in conversation and i made fun of him for it and we laughed really hard. and now i feel all warm inside! also, captioned it the mona lisa again because i will never not find that funny.